I'm so glad to have...

Who would have thought that I would be so glad to have black friends, lol.
I know that sounds pretty odd to say, but it's the truth. It isn't even that I wanted or didn't want them before, I just never had the option.
Growing up in Winter Springs, Florida was quite nice and I don't regret being a part of that community....there just wasn't a whole lot of diversity and although I am fine to be who I have come to be regardless of what other people think, I feel a tiny bit less than perfectly well-rounded.  I'm lucky to have had parents who liked everyone easily enough(for the most part) and only made their issues on a few cultural differences rather than ones based on color or status. It was more of a "These Americans and their...." which to me, was a much better alternative to some of the things I later heard from people at college that were clearly developed among families and communities who felt like somehow it was far better to interact with mostly just people who were like you. Everyone has their prejudices and all of them are things we could do without.......but I certainly never felt at all disadvantaged to be an American despite the occasional comment.
Returning to the statement concerning black friends...
I never really had much positive exposure to the black community not only because it wasn't super available, but also because I wasn't readily accepted among them because of my mannerisms and upbringing.  I "spoke too proper" or "dressed like a white guy." I even "sat with all the white people."

I never really understood what was so wrong with any of that...I mean why would I go out of my way to go sit with people I don't know when I can sit with these people right here who I live next to? They're the ones laughing at my jokes, the ones inviting me over to play nintendo. Does it really matter all that much?
Speaking too proper? I thought english was just english. I'm just saying the words like they are in the books that we are all reading. Do your textbooks come in some other dialect? My parents speak with accents from their home countries....that doesn't mean that I have to too.
If everyone is wearing Arizona jeans and graphic T's, then wouldn't it make sense for me to wear them also? It never occured to me to look up what other black people around the country are wearing to school. Why? because I didn't think like that. I didn't see myself as different and as far as I knew, neither did anyone else. I sure didn't feel different. I can't be completely sure that I didn't miss something crucial, but I'm willing to bet everything I needed to learn, I learned one way or another. So basically all the focus and time that people were wanting me to spend on being aware of my color was lost on me...I just didn't see it. If anything, I thought it was pretty mean the way some of the other black people would make fun of me and act like I was some sort of disgrace....and also interesting how many of those same people were suddenly fine after I sang at some of the school events.

I am really not pressed about it and am quite fine to have anyone quality, as a friend. I just am amused at evenings like tonight where the entire group of us were some sort of black. I doubt that anyone white says to their group "whoa guys look around....we're all white!" Maybe I'm just making up for lost time or something....perhaps some sort of asthetic mental checklist, lol. Really, though, I'm just glad to have friends that aren't idiots...friends that can have fun and be comfortable and make others feel so too. friends that can discuss interesting issues and still have room for joking and light-hearted conversation.

When it comes down to it, I'm so glad to have black friends.

Quick THoughts

I honestly don't know how I feel about you....

I find you amusing
You're hot
You make these expressions sometimes that are....adorable
I can have an intelligent conversation with you
There are things you can teach me
You don't require all of my attention
I can be honest with you
Talking with you just seems to flow smoothly
You learn quickly
I don't have to wonder if you're just being polite....
Your thighs don't touch

....but none of that really tells me how I feel about you


I like kissing you
Your practicality is a relief
I like when you lay on me
I enjoy feeling like time with you isn't time wasted
You're quick to move past irritating situations
I value the fun facts I get out of our conversations
I like that you pick up the phone almost immediately
You're not terrible with money

....but that just tells me what I've come to appreciate about you

So maybe it's not so much a big deal how I feel about you, but rather how I don't feel about you. I think that will be sufficient for now. There is plenty of time for later, later.

....but if the current downsides to you are things like having to sit through episodes of Myth Busters......I think we'll be just fine.

Thaaaaaat about says it

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven


Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no


What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay


I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces


They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

It hurts

I spent so much time tearing down all my carefully constructed walls
All the safeguards and checks
The shields and reservoirs
Thinking all the while that I was doing the right thing...that I was getting somewhere

...But where am I now?

Watched your color fade

When I first met you, you were sweet. Sweet, innocent, and happy.

I liked you then.

You wanted so badly to be a part of everyone else around you.

I watched you achieve the goals you set out.

You were happy then.

When I saw you last year, you were lost. Lost, tainted, and confused.

I didn't like you then.

You surrounded yourself with the wrong kind of people.

I watched you become them.

You lost sight of what made you happy.

When I see you now, you are sad. Sad, lonely, and unfulfilled.

I feel sorry for you now.

You don't know who to be anymore.

I watch you squander the things you've been given.

You are so unhappy now.

Starving Cambodian child

.......So yet again I have forgotten to eat all day. I feel like this keeps on happening every time I have a day off. Its like there is some sort of disable switch. I don't really ever forget to eat on work days so its still a bit of a puzzle. I don't even really understand how I my body doesn't bother to mention that it hasn't been fed. I figure that it must be because I'm not due at work till 1:30pm so I really don't eat anything till 11:30 at the earliest and I guess my stomach is just trained to shut up till then. Honestly though, most days its 3pm before I even realize I've not eaten. Today I technically ate some fried shrimp.....but that wasn't even that substantial and it was around 4:30, so here it is 1:30am the next day and I'm just realizing I'm hungry. Well fortunately Wendy's is open till 2.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Movie didnt kill the video game

Know how you see a preview for a movie and it causes you to stare in both surprise and disbelief that this is really going to happen, and makes your soft palate raise while you exhale and hope to God that they don't screw the whole thing up?  Ok now imagine(I'm sure this is the hard part) that you play video games and that all of a sudden someone wants to make a movie out of one of the most confounding adventure/puzzle/strategy you've experienced.....like that one game that you can't manage to even finish because it frustrates you and you can't find that stupid ActionReplay code thingy so you can just cheat instead of dying over and over in that lame spot where no actual people are attacking you(I mean seriously, how is anyone supposed to safely get down from that ledge???)......and then you snap out of it and really hope it doesn't suck?

I tried pretty hard to not expect anything concerning the release of the movie Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. Mostly because in most cases, movies modeled after video games tend to suck.....Super Mario Brothers....Doom.....Dead or Alive(though that one did have lots of scantlily clad hotties, which was totally bearable). It is, incidentaly, the same on the reverse....I dare someone to call the Iron Man video game, playable.  This time, though, I hoped it would just be decent. The game series has a few installments which provide a fair amount of storyline to play with as well as a consistent main character who possesses a certain nobility that almost inspires the player to believe that running along walls and jumping across rooftops is really going to change the world. After the Percy Jackson and the Olympians - disaster, I resigned myself to not even bother vocalizing my hopes as to avoid the public disappointment stacked on to the private, and planned to see it as soon as it was out. 

I was relieved that it didn't suck......in fact, I liked it.  The storyline was pretty solid, minus the ultimate aim of the antagonist.....I felt like that plan was just a bit of overkill. The action was considerate of both people who have played the games, and people who just like movies where things are happening quickly.  I especially liked a part near the beginning where the prince's small war party is preparing their attack. The initial camera shots are built like those of the game: the character speaks while the camera zooms out and over to pan across the obstacles between the he and the target area, in quick frames allowing the viewer(that'd be you) to lightly grasp the bigger picture and see what needs to be done to accomplish it.  Fortunately this concept doesn't carry into the entire move......as that would get old real quick, but definitely does a great job of including the video game audience right from the start. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't the most awesome film of the summer or anything, but it was at least pleasant enough to be mentioning. For the life of me, I can't quite grasp why you would stop a near-perfect knive throwing marksman from launching a knife at his target for fear he might hit one of the ostriches? Especially after you just went on and on about his accuracy.....

The actors were, in my opinion, a very good choice for their roles. Most everyone I overheard, felt their doubts about Jake Gyllenhaal playing the prince. I feel that his look and personality fit the character quite well. It needed to be someone not too manley but masculine enough to look mean with a sword, and I feel like they certainly found someone worth that aim. Gemma Arterton is just really pretty and looks quite intriguing when she says witty, spicy things(I drooled a little bit there).  The biggest sell, for me, was the way it sold the emotions. What I mean with that is that the story had twists and turns within it that were all close to home for the main character. The conflicts that were of the greatest trouble, were the ones concerning the heart. I felt a little swept away with the romanitc connection between Jake and Gemma, but not as strongly as I felt concerning the plots and betrayal within the royal family. His outrage at being wrongfully accused and his grief at the loss of his family, felt like my own....it felt personal.......I liked that. On the lighter side of that, It impressed me that they placed so much importance on those family ties and brotherhood and loyalty. Its things like that, that make me determined to have the kind of family I want, the kind that takes care of and cherishes each of its members, placing their value above self and wealth and position, the kind that pours out the kindness within them on just regular people everywhere, ya know? Yeah yeah blah blah mushy stuff, but it was nice to see that kind of thing. I like the way the brothers regarded each other and even in the face of betrayal, chose to think with their hearts and not with their minds and what they had seen and heard. I only wish I had been able to see it with my own brother....