Can't get worse

Today was such a God-awful day that I can only be optimistic about tomorrow.  I know, that's weird....but I just feel like with the way everything went today, for not even just myself, there really can't be a worse tomorrow lined up.
It's really not soo much the things that happened as it is the feelings that I'm having. Mostly they are summed up in just one word: Inadequacy.  I layed in bed this morning for about 2 and half hours trying very hard to go back to sleep. I woke up super early with a headache and took some meds knowing well that I onyl had a small window of opportunity to get back to sleep before it would be too late. Epic fail, I started thinking.......well really it was more like torturing. I don't know why it is that I even spend the time beating myself up over things that are not within my power to control, though I suspect that most everyone does it at some point.  I am quite certain I used to be muuch better balanced with these sort of things and it just seems like the control I had on my ponderings is considerably more slack than even just 2 years ago. I mean, nothing could touch me back then......now I'm getting felt up every time the wind blows sour. I know I shouldn't worry and there are probably bigger things I might concern myself with but it almost starts to just run together and appear to be the same sort of importance level, which just gets soo old.

I realize I'm starting to not make sense right now, but just bear with me.

It also bothers me that I can't be nearly as helpful to people around me because I'm soo bothered by the stuff in my own way.  My friend had an awful exhausting day today also, filled with crappy pullings and tired "punch punch wrap's" and where was I to help? I tried to do what I could, but I still felt like "what I could" just wasn't good enough. I was soo mad at the day's poopy beginning that I wasn't able to really help him. I surely sucked at friendship today. Again....inadequate.  I feel stagnant in my job performance right now also. There are so many things I wish I were doing better. Granted I went from wisdom tooth and dry socket recovery to the recent bronchitis moments almost immediately, but I just feel like I should have been able to overcome those obstacles with a higher measure of grace than was delivered. Subsequently, I am really sweating the potential sucktatude of my life when that list drops in a few weeks and I'm not on it. I've waited patiently and quietly and tried not to stress over it, but I want it very badly and at this point its the only thing I would have left that isnt already done by everyone close to me. I know it isn't something that I'm entitled to by any means, but I feel as though I qualify for it on more than 1 level and would really feel saddened if I were skipped in line, ya know? (well no, probably you don't know but really the concept is all you need to understand). Probably the worst part of this whole thing is the "Out of money experience" I'm having just now.  I knew that those few days where I ate everything in sight were gonna come back and bite me. The overexpenditure has caused me to be short on cash just 2 days before my check drops........doesn't seem like a lot, but I have to eat, drive, and live between now and then and my cash stash is pretty much exhausted. Hopefully I won't have to get stuck using my "change jar of shame," but I think this time, I'm not going to get away unscathed.  Absolutely everything is magnified at a higher level of crappy when I'm in a money jam. It immasculates me and I start to feel hopeless and angry because I can't provide for myself(which leads to torturous thoughts of how I'm going to handle things when I'm providing for more than just myself). I promised myself 2 years ago that I was going to be in control at all times.....and I have made good on that promise. I didn't even touch my tax return last year until August and I've been really proactive on saving and budgeting.......but here I am again. I really just hate money.....and that Nate kid.  Time for an abrupt ending again, sorry