pardon

excuse me sir, but can i borrow your girlfriend? better yet, can i just take her off your hands completely?

I'd say "well, you're not using her" but really i feel as though the opposite is true. truthfully i think that you are using her entirely too much.......like sucking the life out her on a daily basis. i'm surprised she is still functioning. its a lot to bear and she is clearly becoming more and more stressed out and weary...i so hate to see her this way. regular baggage aside, it certainly seems as though most of this is caused by your very presence in her life. there is soo much about you that is needy and childish (which is a little suspect, given your actual age) that maybe you might be better suited with a team of specialists or perhaps a stalk of celery. i think either of those would be fine. its just so clearly about you and although you do your absolute best to drive that point home, she still seems to hold onto that tiny hope that you might take notice of her....sad isnt it. i promise to treat her with every ounce of consideration that shes been missing out on from you and shower her with the gifts that you have been too cheap and selfish to provide.  i will do my best to be everything that are not.  that way, the sun can continue to orbit you uninterrupted. thanks soo much for your time...i know its very precious to you. i just need your initials here and here and if you could just sign and date right here and i'll go ahead and take over...