Have you ever thought to yourself "Maybe I should just get out of here....leave town or something?"
What are you supposed to do after that? I mean, what's the thought you have after saying that to yourself that makes you just not think about it anymore?
I can't remember...
It was so long ago that I left here and went there....so long I almost can't even drudge up the few fleeting recolections of why I had wanted to leave. Perhaps it was my parents being strict or the thought of feeling stuck traveling down the obligatory road that seemed to be laid out for me. Maybe it was the thought of fresh faces and different outlooks. Ha maybe it was the girl to guy ratio at the University I was looking at or the music program highlights. Whatever it was, it was far more appealing than here.
I can't say that I don't like it here, on the contrary, I love it. There are a bunch of options as far as activities and opportunities. The catch is, most of these opportunites require a car and/or money to decently enjoy. We won't go into much detail there since money and I are fighting just now. In any case, most of the reason I returned from there was because I missed here so badly. Years had gone by...people...cars...girlfriends...classes...jobs...apparel...hair styles...life. Yet as content as I felt about all that had transpired, I still missed being here. More than just family and friends and social connections and people that could drive decently and 4 cents less on the dollar of sales tax, I missed how I felt being here. I missed how nice it felt to walk outside and know that more than likely it would be warm outside...seeing the sun shine(and then burn all the moisture out of your body) and things grow(and occasionally get burned up in a pittiable mess) and knowing that it was going to be exactly like this for at least 8 months out of the year. In some ways I missed not having to be soo responsible. There, I had to keep track of literally everything because I didnt have anyone nearby to help me if things went wrong. Added to that, I was in quite an assortment of leadership positions throughout those years and it was beginning to become a lot to bear....I needed a break. Eventually, of course, responsibility will find you whether you've made yourself ready ro not and though I was prepared for it, I knew I had just a bit longer before it was fully mine to carry.
Situations started to rise and there was tension at work....tension with my friends...roommates, everything. All I wanted to do was just come home. Not that there would never be drama at home or that I wouldn't ever have work drama, but all of that is much simpler to deal with on your own playing field. When you're the home team, you get the advantage of knowing the ins and outs of the game board and what shortcuts to take. Handling situations becomes much easier when you have family and friends nearby and the assuredness of I-4 traffic in the morning. A lot of times I miss some of the good times I had there, but sometimes it takes going away for a while to realize just what home means to you. I didn't even realize I had started typing "home" instead of "here"....I guess they are pretty close to the same thing for me.
I remember now...
All that time there made me realize that here....home is where I belong.
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