Cadillack

I could very easily have died today...
For serious, two plots were formed and I narrowly escaped with my life!

The first attempt I cannot go into great detail about due to the nature of the position, but lets just say that in the first show stop, the head broke and every time I would bend forward it would jab me in the face, which is of course unsafe for this type of thing and it was bad enough that it would just wag all to the side every time I.......

AHEM

I could very easily have died today...
For serious, A plot was formed and I narrowly escaped with my life!

I was leaving Chipotle during my lunch break and driving along trying to make up for lost time. Chillin in my lane all nice and green lit contemplating the seasoned goodness in my steak bowl. All of a sudden this dude in his Escalade comes from outta nowhere tryin to get all up in my lane......on his cell phone of course so clearly that means when you make a right turn its OK to just pull into the far lane even if there is another car there. The fact that my brakes are screeching as I try desperately to keep from crashing, are of little concern to him because he is still listening to the phone and only slightly realizing that he is driving like a nut job. Then there is that moment where I can see him trying to decide whether he should continue to occupy my lane or coast back into the one he should have pulled out into....he made the wrong choice, resulting in me having to drive off the road since there isn't a lane in the grass. The worst part is that this fool laughed....LAUGHED at my visual duress when clearly he was the sole reason there was anything less than sheer Chipotle joy on my face.
This further proves my theory that people with Cadillacs are not nice. You don't see Caddy drivers letting you get into a turn lane or stopping to help others by the side of the road, NO! They're too busy chatting on their cell phone (which is somehow not hands-free despite the apparent financial bliss they seem to enjoy) or being either altogether irresponsible or senile. Usually these Cadillacal offenders are too young, too old, or too preoccupied to be driving sanely. It's like they entice the narcoleptic elderly and the silver-spoon fed teen with the same dual image of cool and safe, but really its only applicable inside the deathmobile. Meanwhile, the rest of us must suffer the consequences of these ill-fated mishappenings and blatant disregardations(yes I just made those words up, whats it to you?) of people who are not of sound mind and body, as they threaten our vehicular lives with their selfish choices!

The good news is, Cadillacs are easily spotted and can be maneuvered around discretely, as not to alert the mentally compromised occupants.....yes my friends, there is hope. I escaped with my life today and for that I am thankful...but be warned: They are not to be trusted or given sanction and quarter.....they are the enemy and we must do what is necessary, nay, what is just, to keep their Cadillack-luster displays from our streets and crosswalks.

Go forth and drive boldly!

???

What do I do now that I have finished all the Heroes episodes that can be seen to date?

What time tonight will I regret not taking that little nap because I was watching Heroes?

Where did that sizable cockroach go that was crawling near my bed earlier?

Why do I keep having these headaches like every day?

What happened to that girl that could copycat things she saw....I mean, I totally saw her get rescued like a season ago?

Why can't I have two days off like a normal person?

Where does all my money go?

Who's idea was it to make it so that Peter can only hold one power at a time?

What's the point of giving a deaf woman the power to see sounds as colors?

Where are my car keys?

blah blah Turkey

Blah blah blah blah I'm gonna write about what I'm thankful for.

First off I'm thankful to be alive. There are a lot of people out there that are not alive, and by the grace of God, I am not one of them.
Of course there is being physically alive and then there is the other kind of alive...which we will call Alive (note the capital "A"). That distinction is where you aren't just living life, but absorbing and enjoying everything it has to offer. Celebrating every joy and every sorrow as a gift and a treasure.....really living, ya know?

These are in no specific order by the way.

I'm thankful for my experiences. Without the things I've gone through, both good and bad, I'd never have made it here and never have realized how much farther I still have to go. There are two experiences that I won't be thankful for, but everything has its purpose after all.

I'm thankful for Block party Bash. There is not anything else on property that I enjoy doing as often...mostly because its fun, its fast, and I'm not perfect at it. When you've mastered something it becomes much easier to place it on autopilot. Since there are still things I can do better or at the very least with better consistency, I still feel like tons more time can be spent doing that parade with the same amount of joy as when I first learned it.

I'm thankful for my best friend. There is not a single person on planet earth that knows as much about me as he does. Its hard for me to really open up to anyone(though I'm great at telling people lots of nothing) and though its not always been easy, I can say with certainty that it has been worth it. He's a true friend and a loyal confident and I don't know what I'd do without him.
....correction, I'd probably have gone insane several times over by now if he'd not been there. On the same token I'd do anything for him too...even beat up waves of hired assassins with my bare hands if that were suddenly necessary(if you don't know that to be true, I'm gonna just let them assas you).

Last but not least(per the above disclaimer), I am thankful that things are rarely ever set in stone. We all make mistakes and though some of them we cannot take back, many of them can be salvaged and perhaps turned into something good.....redemption I guess. I have personally done a lot of screwing up, but I can also proudly say that I have and will continue to try and work things out towards a positive result.
Now pass the yams.

Press conference

I've decided to give up.

Its been long enough now and I've fought with myself about it to the point that I just don't see what is so worth holding on to. Maybe its not your fault. Maybe you're just too busy and I'm just being stupid about it.....I don't know anymore.

What I do know is that I finally started to think that it was possible and that even if for just a short while, I might be just a little bit lucky. That's why I tried. Even though I knew better...even though I was scared. Most of this year I have been lacking in courage and perhaps(perhaps is much to light, I'd say its more like definitely) settling for connections that are not extraordinary. I've been afraid of getting too close because I don't want to hurt anyone, and though I realize that is no way to live, it still takes a conscious effort to push past that blast shield that I have inconspicuously placed around my.....well....that thing that makes feelings and stuff. Anyhow, I had hoped that maybe it would be alright to lower it a little and finish out the rest of the year with a little more strength and dignity, but I guess I will have to settle for the realization that I am now just talking to myself....again. I am, however, done settling for the time being and opting for some lighter shades of grey so we'll see how that pans out.

Beautiful Liar

I don't enjoy lying.
Occasionally it is necessary and I'm very good at it for the most part, but I still don't like doing it.

Telling a lie may seem like a one-time experience, but a lot of times you have to tell additional lies to maintain the original one...unless you tell a very solid base lie. Where people go wrong is that they tell a completely inaccurate and unrehearsed lie that is usually not consistent with their personality. Bad idea. These are easily unraveled and/or disproved because they were just hastily spun and not well presented. The best lie is one that is so close to the truth that your body feels completely comfortable telling it. There is no need to tell and extravagant story complete with things that fly and outrageous 6 car pile ups when a simple variation on the actual story (one which relieves you from direct responsibility) will suffice. Even in a hopelessly messed up situation where you were supposed to "know better" you can even add an additional scene in which you chastise yourself for a trivial version of the offense, thereby alleviating some of the focus from the actual travesty. Of course the next step is to review your story. The farce should also be well within your normal set of situations...nothing too far fetched, nothing ultra heroic or more conniving than people are accustomed to from you. Practice what you will say and even toss in a mock rebuttal.
Preparation is hugely important because no one wants unanswered questions or motives, so you should plan for at least 2-3 questions that you will not deflect, but intercept and fold into your tale: "Ya that's what I thought too, but he really didn't seem to mind at all...it was weird, but he and I don't even really..."
Delivery should be smooth and somewhat casual if not apologetic. You cannot force them to buy your story, but you CAN tell it as if there is not really an option but to accept it as the truth. You can make people believe things that are explainable false if you present it well enough, but of course you must buy your own story. the lie must become not only the truth for them, but also the truth for you...one that you must now own and not stray from. No one will believe something that you yourself don't believe...and since most of communication is body language, you have to include your entire countenance into your story to ensure its success. Try to make a connection. If you can get the person to empathize with what you're allegedly dealing with, they are far more likely to overlook any details that don't necessarily line up.

Looking straight into some one's eyes and knowing that you're lying and that they are buying it does feel kinda cool though...but I feel like it could easily become addictive and so its best not to even tempt myself with the notion.
....ok maybe I like lying just a little bit
No no I didn't say that.....look into my eyes and you'll see its the truth

Worry

I'm worried....

I don't like to worry...in fact I am the crusader against worrying to practically everyone I know. Unfortunately like with all good advice, it is applied easiest to other people.

Basic worrying can usually be divided into sections. I call these the Big Five.

Money
Time
Heart
Health
Faith

If you think about it, most anything substantial is in these catergories ranging from the life-changing to the petty. They aren't numbered because they rank differently to everyone, but they are all important enough to be worried about. Naturally I'm a bit worried about all of them but there are two that are really stressing me out right now. What annoys me the most is that I am powerless to change the things that bother me the most at times....as we all are. More often than not, there is a solution or at the very least a band-aid for every woe and instance, but there are some things that just cannot be solved...and those are the things we must concede. I don't have the patience to worry for long and I'm sure I will be seemingly care-free by tomorrow morning proper, but for right now not even mindless video gaming can deter me from my thoughts :(

Hope

An interesting evening I did have. I've recapped it slightly and came to the familiar conclusion that we are capable of modifying our own realities on so many levels, to what we wish to perceive.

...maybe that sounded too stuck up....what I mean to say is: you can make your own glass half full.

So many stories, fiction and non, have taught us that the human spirit is near impossible to crush and I wonder some times if there is more to that than just the simple head nod we give it. What if we could apply it to everything around us? I suppose some of us do that naturally while others run the opposite direction, but can you imagine what a difference it would make? Adjusting and adapting life's variables to fit into a constant positive outlook is tedious, yes, but wouldn't it be worth it to be happy?

Several things this evening weren't perfect....a headache...cold chipotle....a sub par movie...lack of funds...
I was still happy about it because frankly I missed my friend and nothing was going to stand in the way of us hanging out. I thought to myself that it was funny that even though not all the pieces lined up easily, as long as the main idea was intact, it still worked out fine.

What if through every trial...every unpleasant situation, we could all somehow just find the positive main idea and let that shining thing dull out all the other things that aren't so wonderful. Would it be so bad to simply refuse to see it as a setback and instead see it as just something to climb over? I realize I'm not discovering a new concept here but sometimes we forget what we're really capable of. Sometimes its just nice to remember that even though bad things happen, we have it within ourselves to find the good in it...and to hold that good high in the air and shout "This is my joy...and it cannot be taken from me!"

I feel like that is not only optimism or perseverance........but also it is hope

Indifference

that's not bug 6

I woke up at 6:55 this morning and I was not happy about it. Since the new casting i pretty much never have to use my alarm clock because I'm now in after noon everyday. Today was the day of "G at the H" into bug6....a shift that made no sense. Though I am not a huge fan of some "G at the H," I had resigned myself to just suck it up and look towards the last part of the day, where I would get to rock it out bug pal style.
That ended abruptly around noon as I was moved to Big Blue.

I gave myself the walk down to the cafeteria to get over it...not that its a huge deal...I was just wanting to be a bug. Needless to say, I had an awesome parade. It was a blast and I had a blast doing it as I always do. As usual, it always makes me think about how lucky I am.

I love my job.

How many people do you know who love their jobs? The extent of the inconveniences I encounter are being moved to something I dont particularly care for as much...or having to do it in the rain...or its hot outside. thats kind of it...nothing huge, nothing demeaning. Probably the best thing about doing my job is that it makes me happy. No matter what happened or how or when or with who; I can push it aside and just dance and yell and laugh and make people happy...and that in turn makes me happy.

Just a today

So today is just a today. A day that I got a few things done, but nothing super special. This is mostly because I didn't really plan out my day past just the first part, which consisted of taking people to the airport. Now that they are gone and I am left to fend for myself these next few days I have the thought that maybe I should have given this more thought. Granted I have Netflix for a bit longer and can crank out another season of Heroes; I just think that might be too unremarkable of a recap for when they return. I might collect reciepts for the new budget or stretch or organize things. Maybe hang with some other friends or visit my parents. All of that can wait for tomorrow though (and the ungodly hour that i'll be waking for work) because today is just today and I didn't make plans, so I'm just gonna chill, be planless, and have an altogether unremarkable day


addendum: That didnt really end up happening like that....
I visited my parents
picked up my winter apparel
bought some groceries
played some video game
cleaned my bathroom
stretched
napped
hung out with another friend
watched Heroes and finished this blog...haha. Guess it was remarkable afterall

late post

I feel like maybe you might have forgotten or perhaps just need to be reminded......
that there is nothing friendship cannot handle. no matter what the argument is...no matter who was wrong or what was said...no matter what it turned into or how bad it is...
At the end of the day, you still mean just as much to me as you did the day before...and the one before that. Because that is how we roll

Awesome

You know what? That's just awesome!
its awesome that such a great evening can go straight down the toilet
even more awesome that the day started out in the toilet too
its almost like running at both ends

sooo AWESOME!

the if and when

Sometimes i wonder what i will do when i procreate. how will i handle it? will i be good at it? how will i make the rules? how will i enforce them? how will i talk about the hard things? where will i get the money to support them? will i really make it to the concerts and/or games? what will be my official stand on world issues? will i give them my beliefs or just the ones i feel like they should have? will i talk to them like equals or like subordinates? will they think i'm funny? will i find them funny? when do i tell them? what will i do if they cry? what will i do if they are threatened? how will i cope when, at times, they do not like me? will they understand that i only mean the best? what will i do when they are old enough to make their own lives? when should i let them go? will anyone ever love them like i will? will they take care of me when i am old?

will they be proud of the choices i made in life....and of the ones i make in their presence?

1M

You know how they say money doesn't buy happiness? It is the root of all evil and it creates more problems the more of it you have. Screw that. I'm pretty sure about 90% of my problems would be solved with a big fat check. Not really because I think money is just so awesome, but because I don't like worrying about monetary things and I want to just make people happy. A lot of it would be sent on just fixing things for others and myself.

Paying off the debts of my parents and moving them to a newer house.
Paying off my sister's debts and giving her a nice bit of money to move to New York
(she's always wanted to Ive up there....cant imagine why)
Getting Casey a car and a very nice Mac.
Providing Lindsey with enough plane tickets to come visit whenever she wanted.

A nice piece would go into various savings, money market, and stock portfolios because who wants to have money now and then be broke later.
Then I would probably rent out Chipotle for an evening and buy everyone dinner and perhaps take Evelyn on a quick trip to.....well the details are a little blurry, but there should be a beach and great food and a personal concierge there.

I wouldn't quit my job, but I would certainly drop status because even though I want to still work(if nothing else for the cardio and free happiness), I just don't see myself working 6 days a week when I'm loaded.

Of course I'd settle all my own debts, get a bunch of jeans from The Buckle, and purchase an assortment of wish list electronics.....but I feel like all that would just be a perk to all the fun things I could do for other people. I also feel like just 1 million dollars would be enough to cover that. believe me, I've spent many an hour-long drive to work thinking about it.

...i like her

so today i got to spend 3 hours with an interesting, funny, smart girl. i woke up to the sound of my voicemail on my day off....work summoning me in with the promise of overtime, but after i had contemplated it and called them back, the shift was filled and i was returned to my day off. i texted her offering plans and she accepted, so i revised my day to accommodate the sizable chunk of time it would take for those plans. it always seems to end up being 3 hours whenever we're together and though sometimes virtually nothing gets done, it is still worth every second.

...i like her

she lives far away
she's too young for me
our schedules are annoyingly opposite
she has a ton of ballet flats(and probably wears skinny jeans with them)
she hasn't quite learned to unlock my door when i open hers
shes as busy as i am

...but i like her

she has a sweet disposition
the prettiest eyes
she looks extra beautiful all dressed up
she cares about people
she can take a joke and even make one back
her mood is not set in stone
she makes her decisions for herself

....and i like her even more

I Watched TV

I did a very interesting thing last night......I watched TV. This may not seem like such a huge deal to anyone but the people who know me decently. I am not, by any means, a television watcher. The TV is often on at work or at people's homes and I look at it because it distracts me, but for the most part I let it pass me by. Before I get to previously mentioned event, I feel as though I should point out the reasons why I do not watch.

1. I have no TV
2. Watched waaay too much TV as a child
3. I don't like the way it makes me feel
4. It isn't fair to TV

When I say I have no TV, it is more like a removed relative situation...as in, "I have no son" implying he is dead to me or doesnt live with me. Factually, I have 3 TV's: 2 live at home-home and one lives with my friend Steve.

Growing up in a strict household had its downs......
naturally when you are a child told not to watch television, it becomes your personal goal to watch as much as you can. My sister and I watched more TV than I even care to recall, so I'm a little burnt out on it now. I added TV to the box with Doritos and Ramen and marked it "Ehh"

TV sucks me into it's little world for hours on end because I very rarely watch it, and when it has had its way with me I feel ashamed at how much time has gone by that I can never get back.

Lastly, I feel as though show watching is something I am supposed to set aside weekly time for. Others are dedicated to their shows....religious even. I just cannot put that much effort into it due to my work schedule and probably the fact that I just don't care enough so really its not fair to TV for me to do it halfway.

Anyhow, moving on.....
I watched Nip/Tuck last night and though the episode wasn't really the issue, I feel like I've missed out on something. When did it beecome necessary for explosions, death, sex, or yelling to be included in regular programming? When did we become the judges of "eww why is that ugly girl walking on screen now?" Remember the good old days when we used to watch Family Matters or cartoons like He-Man and She-Ra? when problems were simple and solved in a single episode?
Recently I fired up some of those golden episodes of He-Man and you know what?

they sucked.
honestly I thought to myself, "I used to enjoy watching this?" Isn't that awful? I really can't imagine what entertainment would be like today if nothing had changed. Whether TV changed us or we changed it, may never really be understood. What if all these dramatic advances into our lives and psyches have done irrepairable damage to us as a species? What if all of our interpersonal relationships are on the brink of a complete social meltdown?

...that actually sounds like it would make a good concept for a TV show