Its been long enough now and I've fought with myself about it to the point that I just don't see what is so worth holding on to. Maybe its not your fault. Maybe you're just too busy and I'm just being stupid about it.....I don't know anymore.
What I do know is that I finally started to think that it was possible and that even if for just a short while, I might be just a little bit lucky. That's why I tried. Even though I knew better...even though I was scared. Most of this year I have been lacking in courage and perhaps(perhaps is much to light, I'd say its more like definitely) settling for connections that are not extraordinary. I've been afraid of getting too close because I don't want to hurt anyone, and though I realize that is no way to live, it still takes a conscious effort to push past that blast shield that I have inconspicuously placed around my.....well....that thing that makes feelings and stuff. Anyhow, I had hoped that maybe it would be alright to lower it a little and finish out the rest of the year with a little more strength and dignity, but I guess I will have to settle for the realization that I am now just talking to myself....again. I am, however, done settling for the time being and opting for some lighter shades of grey so we'll see how that pans out.
No one likes gray anyway. Except the Omish. And cat ladies
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