Cadillack

I could very easily have died today...
For serious, two plots were formed and I narrowly escaped with my life!

The first attempt I cannot go into great detail about due to the nature of the position, but lets just say that in the first show stop, the head broke and every time I would bend forward it would jab me in the face, which is of course unsafe for this type of thing and it was bad enough that it would just wag all to the side every time I.......

AHEM

I could very easily have died today...
For serious, A plot was formed and I narrowly escaped with my life!

I was leaving Chipotle during my lunch break and driving along trying to make up for lost time. Chillin in my lane all nice and green lit contemplating the seasoned goodness in my steak bowl. All of a sudden this dude in his Escalade comes from outta nowhere tryin to get all up in my lane......on his cell phone of course so clearly that means when you make a right turn its OK to just pull into the far lane even if there is another car there. The fact that my brakes are screeching as I try desperately to keep from crashing, are of little concern to him because he is still listening to the phone and only slightly realizing that he is driving like a nut job. Then there is that moment where I can see him trying to decide whether he should continue to occupy my lane or coast back into the one he should have pulled out into....he made the wrong choice, resulting in me having to drive off the road since there isn't a lane in the grass. The worst part is that this fool laughed....LAUGHED at my visual duress when clearly he was the sole reason there was anything less than sheer Chipotle joy on my face.
This further proves my theory that people with Cadillacs are not nice. You don't see Caddy drivers letting you get into a turn lane or stopping to help others by the side of the road, NO! They're too busy chatting on their cell phone (which is somehow not hands-free despite the apparent financial bliss they seem to enjoy) or being either altogether irresponsible or senile. Usually these Cadillacal offenders are too young, too old, or too preoccupied to be driving sanely. It's like they entice the narcoleptic elderly and the silver-spoon fed teen with the same dual image of cool and safe, but really its only applicable inside the deathmobile. Meanwhile, the rest of us must suffer the consequences of these ill-fated mishappenings and blatant disregardations(yes I just made those words up, whats it to you?) of people who are not of sound mind and body, as they threaten our vehicular lives with their selfish choices!

The good news is, Cadillacs are easily spotted and can be maneuvered around discretely, as not to alert the mentally compromised occupants.....yes my friends, there is hope. I escaped with my life today and for that I am thankful...but be warned: They are not to be trusted or given sanction and quarter.....they are the enemy and we must do what is necessary, nay, what is just, to keep their Cadillack-luster displays from our streets and crosswalks.

Go forth and drive boldly!