The Flash Flood of January 16th

So you know how you can fall into one of those feverish sleeps where you're just suddenly really tired, can't get to bed fast enough, and then wake up hours later and can't quite remember who you are?  I don't know, maybe not but it happens to me at least.  In the event of a fever or if I've taken muscle relaxers...those'll put me down for at least 6 hours and then I'll wake up feeling like somebody tried to ravage me in my sleep.
This time, however, there was no fever and no pills in sight.  I'm not thoroughly surprised at the weird things anymore; weird things have been happening all over the place since the quarter century mark, I'm just wondering if theres some sort of hidden checklist that has a bunch of insane circumstances that I'm supposed to be following....like a performance plan of "shock and awe." Maybe I should talk to "casting" about that....

Today was supposed to go nicely.  I was at my break place on my 6th day and if there's anywhere I'd rather be on an overtime day(outside of bpb), it would be there. I call it my break place because its low key and usually allows me a certain amount of freedoms that aren't readily available elsewhere:

• I get show pay all day
• Theres always the chance that we could do a significantly easier contingency based on ailments and technical difficulties
• I can bring my phone or book or psp or ipod right to the bench and just be chill
• Its a break from my routine and from the same faces
• No one looks to see if I've shaved
• There are costumers there to assist with basic needs and they are really good at it
• There are no huge backpack harnesses or heavy costumes to get pulled to
• I am only really obligated to talk to 3 other people if I don't feel chatty
• Sometimes there's free food
• My shift usually does not include parade
• Occasionally Gio makes one of those personalized fondit cake masterpieces for someone and we all get to celebrate and admire it
• Napping is available
• People who hate their lives tend to hang out in the dressing rooms and not in the common areas, which keeps the glum out of general line of sight
• The managers are generally agreeable and easy to approach

...but probably the best reason I like it is that I'm not there on a daily basis. I really only see it at max once a week unless I pick up an AM hole....which is really not something I do.  I feel like most of those reasons would go away or be replaced with unusable knees or hugely rolled eyeballs if I were to be placed there on a consistent basis, but fortunately that is not my lot....at this time.

Anyhow, so today was supposed to go nicely....
We had had a good group(including my roommate, which is rare), 5 shows, no life-haters in my cast, equipment was stable, out time was after the schedule drop, and I even had a packed lunch of healthy and tasty goodness...everything seemed fine.
Somewhere around lunchtime I started to feel like maybe everything wasn't so fine afterall.  I've been dealing with a muscle strain for what seems like an eon. I've grown very annoyed with it and it's spontaneous reoccurances. Really its basically because I'm not strong enough, but theres only soo much I can do about that just now.  Then there was quite suddenly a HUGE amount of paranoia about a topic that I had to deal with yesterday morning in a generally unrelated area....that suddenly became quite related to today. Its interesting how the regrettable things in life can find new ways to reinstate that dreadful feeling. Also during second show I tweaked a muscle in my back and left oblique and then thought to myself "this is not going to go well at all."  At that point it was like a flash flood of thoughts and worries and pains and fatigues(I really am still not 100% since Christmas) and I barely was able to hold it together just then. I was pretty mad that this had to be happening right during show. Really?!
What got me through that moment were the people. There were people watching me. In particular, there were 2 ladies in the section on my left and a family in the section on my right.  Of course in a round theater there are always people watching you....especially at my height, but more often then not(for me at least) there are usually a few people on either side watching me specifically. I don't pretend to be awesome or technically perfect, but I know that I give good show there 96% of the time and I quite enjoy the warm looks I see out of the corners of my eyes when I'm noticed by the audience(the other 4% is really only due to equipment failure or imminent show down occurances). I thought to myself  "these people are watching you and they are enjoying your show and I don't care if you're going to explode in 2 seconds, you WILL NOT LET THEM DOWN!"  so I summoned the reserve energies I had left and pushed through the routine...knowing that I was sealing my fate for the rest of the day.  The 2 ladies gave me this look of sheer enjoyment and admiration as they clapped with all their might. I took my bows and silently thanked them for getting me through the show and being today's reminder that I love what I do, and then I left.
...Like left completely. I walked to the manager's office and told them that I needed to go. I was tapped out of energy, in tears, mind spinning, and I wanted to be home.  They let me go. This, of course, made the other 3 in my group happy because it created that nice contingency I mentioned earlier. None of us takes offense when something like that happens and the others respond with "ooo good" and "sweet" because its understood that as untimely(but sometimes right on time) and unfortunate it is that one of us has an issue or is not well, it also makes for a much nicer day for the others. Its a general and reciprocative feeling and there is no love lost...and of course, everyone always asks the person that is leaving if they're ok. 

The walk back to my car was one of embarrassment, worry, and a little shame but I forced everything out of my mind and commanded myself to drive home without thinking.....I was too tired to argue with myself and was at this point ok with orders.  On a sidenote, I'm continuously glad that I can let my left brain give direct orders and basically run the show when things get rough. Sometimes it is simple invaluable.
I got home and vaguely remember turning on my computer and glancing at my phone and seeing that I had a text, and I remember thinking that I was thirsty and that I should g..........and then the darkness came.
That was kinda dramatic...really I just fell asleep in mid thought.....for about 3 hours.
I dreamt of nothing.
I am not really sure if  it was decent sleep, I just knew I needed it.  I woke up very confused and it took well over a minute to realize who and where I was and why, which is like aforementioned. usually a side effect of fever or drugged sleep. After I had started to collect myself the phone rang. I had again caused worry and concern with my communication silence....I hadn't meant to...it just all happened so fast that I hadn't time to send any sort of distress signal.  I hung up and collected myself. Recapped the day, traced the causes, mapped the feelings, analyzed the results, and decided to write about it(though since my blog was open when I awoke, I apparently decided that before I crashed).

I'm fine now...for the most part. The paranoia thing is generally not within my area of control so I have no choice but to let it go. My aches are something that will go away with time and less overcompensation on my part(the oblique tweaking was mostly due to that), and whether by choice or force, I slept for a few extra hours. In retrospect I guess I could see how I might have seen this coming, but I really rather prefer to not dwell on the things that could go wrong when I can just continually hope for the best.  Not the best day ever, but in the words of Marvin the Martian "There was no earth shattering kaboom" either. Just a tiny flash flood